Hello Baby!

written By Leigh Ripley

The gift of life is such an amazing journey. From creation and growth, to labor and delivery: the moment you lay eyes on that little miracle your life is changed, forever.

You will be peed on.

You will be spit up on, often.

You will get poop on your finger, unfortunately more than once.

You will smell your baby’s butt to check for poop. Then you will look to confirm what you already know.

Spit up, boogies, food and whatnot will be on every item of clothing you own.

You will start aging in dog years.

The ability to stand still will disappear and be replaced with the phantom baby bob (rocking back and forth even when you are not holding the baby).

In no time, you will be fluent in baby crying.

The baby will dictate the sleep schedules of everyone living in the house.

It will be years before you eat another meal in peace.

You will try various pureed foods you would not normally eat in its whole form.

You will eat discarded food off of your child’s plate.

Your brain will split in half, with one half dedicated to the baby, leaving the other half to operate you.

You will sing the theme songs to Dora, Sesame Street and SpongeBob SquarePants in your sleep.

You may need a luggage cart in order to leave the house to accommodate your massive diaper bag (a.k.a. new purse), infant car seat, stroller, baby carrier, blankets, binkies and so forth.

When you say you need a drink, you really, really mean it.

Pre-baby friends with no babies of their own will slowly disappear (nothing personal, they just don’t get your new life and on some level, it scares them).

No matter how much your little miracle has changed your life, you will go to bed every night and wake up every morning wholeheartedly thanking this little person for coming into your life and making it better.