* Ah, New Baby Poo
 

You will obsess over poo. When you have a baby in the house poo becomes a daily topic of conversation; it’s as if you were a child yourself again. However, this time the bodily functions are not just funny, they are downright scary and gross. If you are a new parent, here are a few of the joys you most likely have to look forward to. Enjoy your baby!

• In the beginning, you pray for poo. You track it and blame most all fits of crying to constipation.
• After a few days of nothing, something happens. The dreaded blowout. This would be an event that requires a complete outfit change and stripping of not only the changing table, but your clothes as well.
• You will wash the car-seat cover more frequently than you think.
• Babies have impeccable timing for the worst place to poo and go for it. NEVER leave the house without an emergency outfit for the baby.
• It morphs from tar, to grainy mustard and then the real stinky and often colorful variety. Very alarming stuff. On that note, be cautious with blueberries in excess.
• A premature diaper change ends with a perfectly good diaper being used as a catcher’s mitt or worse case scenario, a projectile nightmare.
• Some babies like to paint with it. Fondly know in parent world as poo-poo Picassos.
• You will easily recognize your child’s ‘poop face.’
• You will sniff your baby’s bum for the scent of poo.
• You will go one step further and stick your finger down the baby’s diaper in an attempt to pull it back and look for poo, often ending in a very foul confirmation on your finger.
• At some point you will have pooh on you and for a while, it will be the best story you have to offer at a cocktail party. And you will love it.