Fostering Independent Feeding for Your Infant and Toddler

written By Annette Crosiar

Eating can be an experience that goes way beyond food. It encompasses all the senses - sight, sound, texture, smell and of course, taste. Eating is a way of life that is about family, friends, tradition and culture. Meals can be a time for bonding, celebration and romance. As a parent, we have probably all experienced that meals can also be a time of stress as we question: “Is my child eating enough?” “Is this food good for them?” We repeatedly hear ourselves or our spouse saying things like: “Don’t drop your food!” “That doesn’t go in your nose!” “Stop making a mess!” To alleviate stress, we must have appropriate expectations of our young child, and we must help them prepare for the ultimate goal of independence.

As a parent, you should always trust your instinct when it comes to making the right choices for your child, this includes decisions like when to first introduce solids to your baby, but consult with your pediatrician. They and other great resources such as the book What to Expect the First Year will help you make sound decisions.

Here are some suggestions to help support your child’s development of independent feeding:

Start with the environment. Eliminate distractions and prepare yourself before you invite the child to a meal (have the food prepared, eat first if you need to, etc).

Find the right chair for your home and child; there are many options beyond the standard highchair. Make sure it is stable, secure and comfortable. A chair low to the floor will allow your child to get in and out independently around the age of 10 months.

Be sure the child is hungry before inviting them to meals.

Hand-eye coordination is necessary for self feeding, starting with finger foods around 8-10 months. Always be present and aware of choking hazard.

Introduce new foods gradually. If at first he does not like it, try again as it may take several introductions for a young child to take a liking to a new taste or texture.

As soon as your child shows interest, give them the opportunity to use the spoon. You may help them at first, but then let them try so that they can fully develop the skills necessary for continued success in self-feeding; we must allow experience for mastery. You can follow the use of the spoon with introducing the fork around 12-14 months (abilities vary).

You may also introduce the use of a small glass with milk or other fluids. If the child has had sufficient opportunity for sucking such as nursing, there is no need to go to a Sippy cup (except for adult convenience). If you introduce a glass early and gradual, your child will learn to use it naturally. Offer just a bit in the glass while he is first learning and refill it using a small pitcher. A short shot glass made of thick glass is a nice fit for your child’s hand (or try World Market or catalog/online resources such as for small hands for child size cups and utensils). If you are concerned he is not getting enough milk with the glass, you can supplement other foods for adequate calcium.

Provide a small sponge or cloth at their table for cleaning up spills. Eventually, your child will reach for the sponge and wipe up after themselves.

By age 15 months, as your infant transitions to a toddler they are ready to learn to stay seated during meals. Be direct and give verbal reminders: “You are getting up. You must be done eating,” and take the plate away. Be consistent or the “stand up, sit down” game becomes quite entertaining to the child and frustrating to you as the parent (not to mention more spills can occur).

My son recently turned two years old. We are constantly reminding ourselves to be patient, give him kind reminders, be consistent, have realistic expectations, and to be respectful of his natural development as he experiences new foods, new teeth and textures, and a growing personality.

Many of us put off introducing self feeding or the use of a real glass because we are afraid of the mess, the length of time, or failure, but an earlier start allows for more gradual practice, the intimate experience with the parent or caregiver, and great development in self-esteem and confidence in the youngest of children. Yes, self feeding does mean mess at times, but try not to “cry over spilt milk”, and remember your child’s success sends the powerful message, “I can do it all by myself!”

Annette Crosiar is founder and Director of Hearts and Hands Montessori in Belgrade serving children ages birth to six years.  She holds a Creative Writing Degree from Western Washington University, Early Childhood Education Montessori Certification, Montana Infant-Toddler Caregiver Education certification, and is the proud mother of two.